I have not written in a while. Busyness has taken over lately and I find myself wanting to slow the pace of my life. This same busyness, though, keeps my mind off things, off the pain. In the quiet moments….that is when the sadness catches up. It overtakes my mind and discontentment rears its ugly head. So, in a way, I like keeping busy. The hustle and bustle does not fix my heart, though. It merely glosses over the void, puts a temporary patch on it. The long-term status of my heart is not fixed. As soon as the dull moment comes the bandaid is ripped away and the pain is raw. I too often rely on myself to heal. Though I cannot change my situation, I feel if I am busy or if I try not to think of it, I will be okay. The trueness of the situation is that I am not allowing the Lord to be my Healer. It is like if I am sick and do not approach the doctor about my symptoms. He cannot prescribe anything if I do not visit. I need to come to the Lord more for healing. Only He can fill the void of being childless. Only as He applies the ointment can I find the strength to face the world. I want true healing. I want the Lord to be enough.
Lord, please heal the void in my heart. Come fill it. Bring healing and understanding that Your plan is what is best for me. Give me strength to face this trial. Amen.