Unexplained….that was the word uttered by the doctor this week as I lay there on the sterile, metal table. A word quite devastating in its own right, yet also brought some hope.
Men often do not understand this pain, why tears so freely fall. They clam up and words fail to spring forth from their mouths. In the times that phrases can be strung together they often fall short of comforting the woman so tortured by indescribable pain. Through the years, though, God has used my husband to occasionally say the exact thing I needed at that moment. This past week, filled with despair I had not felt in a long time, my brother-in-law actually was used to speak words that brought optimism to my heart. “If God has not yet given you a ‘no’ then you should assume it is a ‘yes’ and that you just have to wait.” Those words, that impact. So, as I went in for yet another test this week and donned another hospital gown I prayed those words. That if the answer was indeed “no” that the Almighty would reveal it that day. I laid there in anticipation of the answer, stomach knotted, as I waited to receive an answer and heard the doctor say everything looked good. Then came the diagnosis dreaded by every woman labeled as infertile….unexplained. I had feared that word through the whole process and at its utterance I was almost relieved. Unexplained was not a “no”. As my wise brother-in-law later described it ” not a ‘no’ is a win”. I won a small battle this week. Though, due to some other circumstances, I have cried more tears this week than in the past several months combined, I still found some hope in a word others desire to never hear.
Unexplained to me means God has just not finished His plan yet. The unexplanation is perfectly explained in Him. He has a plan that I most certainly do not understand and haven’t enjoyed all that much, but I didn’t receive a “no”. Thank you, Lord.