This month marks 48 months of prayers, 48 months of longing, 48 months of yearning to be a mother. Sometimes the heartbreak is so intense, I think there is no way I can endure this another month. In the midst of the storm, God always brings me back to Him. When I really truly think of our situation, I learn this is not all about me. God has a much greater plan in this than I can see or comprehend.
Two people greatly comforted me this week. One was Jeremy when he commented that maybe God was trying to teach me patience. Now, at first, that would seem like an attack on my character. 🙂 The truth is, Jeremy knows me better than anyone and knows I struggle with patience. As I reflect on my unrest every month, I see I still have much to learn in the way of patience. True patience would bring calm to the waves of emotions that flow over me each month. My “Barnabas” husband also reminded me the longer we wait, the more people we are able to affect with our story and the greater impact it can have. Hasn’t that been my purpose in sharing my heart with you? Not only does it bring some healing to me to write down my innermost thoughts, but my prayer has always been that it will help others. Oh, how wise my husband is and I am blessed to be married to such an encouraging man.
The other person who brought peace this week was a dear cousin who is one of the few people I know who has had a very similar experience to ours. After 6 years, the Lord blessed her husband and her with their miracle baby and I often think of their story when I am on my knees begging the Lord to bless us with a child. She shared with me a quote by George Mueller that says, “It is not enough to begin to pray, nor to pray aright; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray; but we must pray patiently, believing, continue in prayer until we obtain an answer.” The words of this man that were said over a hundred years ago are still applicable. I must continue to pray until I receive an answer from the Lord, whether it be yes or no.
So, today I am sitting here renewed yet again, knowing I will continue to pray and believe God will reveal His plan when the time is right. Until then, I will seek refuge from the storm in Him, the ultimate Comforter.