The bible study I have been leading is touching on how to cling to God in trials, our valleys of weeping.  So often my first response is to turn to other things to satisfy.  My desire should be, though, to turn to the Lord and ask Him to provide peace among suffering.  I know I have not always handled my infertility the way I should have.  I think emotions I have experienced are all normal, but in my pain I have not always turned to the One who wants me to be desperately dependent on Him.  It seems I am a slow learner.  My independent self impedes my learning of lessons.  In my attempt to be strong I fail to let the Lord be my Rock.  When I come to Him broken, that is when He can do the biggest work in me.  My goal is to cling to the Lord like a person out at sea clinging to a life preserver.  I want the Lord to be enough in my life.  I want my husband to be enough.  When I find contentment is when I will find peace.  If the Lord had not brought me to my knees with this trial would I have become dependent on Him?  I am learning a great deal about myself and of what the Lord wants to do in me.  Thankfully, God is patient with me.  Though I long to be a mother and would often prefer that it had already happened, I would not be the woman I am starting to become if the Lord had not led me through this valley of weeping.

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